he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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