She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she told me i tasted like america
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
