I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
