Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
