is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
