I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
