Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
