i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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