I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I have post one night stand depression
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
