there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
