oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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