He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
