I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
