I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
