Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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