And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
