Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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