hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I wish life had little blips of pornography
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
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This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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