happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
