I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Randomize
