I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
