if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Congratulations! We have a period
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