Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
