He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
