I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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