Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
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So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
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And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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