I am puke
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
