It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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