so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
