On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
