actually, I'm a sock model
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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