So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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