She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
you're hired as official boob wrangler
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
