how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
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his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
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That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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