u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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