This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
