Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Someone signed my nipple.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
