so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
