I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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