Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
