watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
