Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
