i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
