The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
