Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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