I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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