No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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