his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I AM VODKA MAN
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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