just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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