I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
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She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
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things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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