he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize