i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
