NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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