When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
