she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
