he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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