Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
