loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
