So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
it's not cheating when I paid for it
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
