Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
