My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just googled if crying burns calories
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
