I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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