so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
