im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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