Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
