I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
