I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
you made out with another girl for some wings
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
