u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
