Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
