does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
