I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
