We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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