smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
