Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Holy sore nipples Batman
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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