i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
