Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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