based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
