All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
