He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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