Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
